The NFL turned its most popular off-season extravaganza into a golf tournament this week.
Maybe they couldn’t hear it, but the silence on our end of the cable hook-up was deafening.
I understand why golf fans want the world’s top players to pick up the pace. There’s only so much a broadcaster can say about a guy’s cool sunglasses on his excruciatingly long walk to a 350-yard drive.
But a professional draft is different, especially when fans are as invested as they are in football. And basketball, for that matter.
Thursday’s telecast of the NFL Draft’s first round had to make Bob Hayes proud. It flew by.
Not coincidentally, it had to go down as a JaMarcus Russell – the worst of all-time, flawed in so many ways.
But there’s good news: The NBA should have learned a whole lot in terms of What Not To Include in the script for its big night in June.
Here are six suggestions.
Say Something
I found it interesting that some day-after critics of ABC’s telecast found it noteworthy that Nick Saban labeled one selection “not really a self-starter.”
Wow. Scathing. Potentially libelous. Shocked he wasn’t dismissed from the panel immediately.
OK, maybe not.
That was the most controversial thing Saban said all night, the only utterance to which fired-up football fans in TV-land screamed back: “Yeah. You tell ‘em, Coach. The guy is fat and out of shape. Been saying that all season.”
That’s why we gathered the gang, slipped on our 2025 Fantasy Football Champs t-shirts and poured the Mexican Coke. We didn’t come to hear “Go Wolverines” and “Go Buckeyes” from Saban’s sidekicks.
A draft inspires debate. Half a team’s fan base has been calling talk radio for weeks demanding their scouting chops go regional. The other half has waited until day-after to let everyone know they heard it here first: Our pick blows.
Yet all we heard on NFL Day 1 was how coachable the kid was and what a great fit he’d be.
THIRTY-TWO TIMES.
Give me …
Ban Cheerleaders
It all starts with the panel. Ernie Johnson is the perfect NBA host.
Then you need book-end blowhards. The Republican and the Democrat, if you will.
Stephen A. Smith is ideal. Informed, well spoken and, most importantly, loud.
Then you need someone equally bull-headed, but ideally from a basketball background. I see him, but it would be bold – Draymond Green the player/analyst.
In between, we only have Johnson … because I’m saving the fourth virtual seat for a real game-breaker. If you thought Green was out there … Stay tuned.
“I Want to Thank …”
The three biggest wastes of time on draft night are:
- “I wouldn’t be here without my mom.” (Every player interview.)
- “We’re so proud.” (Every parent interview.)
- “Can you describe your feelings?” (Every interviewer.)
It reminds me – time and time and time again – of a roving baseball reporter in the stands chatting with a rookie outfielder’s family while a no-hitter is going on.
Can we get back to the action?
No interviews!
“Jeopardy” Can Wait
What’s the rush? We’ve tuned in to welcome (or trash) our new baby. Let’s spend the night together.
Fifteen minutes between picks seems perfectly fine.
There are two aspects of each pick that every fan of that team wants to hear experts dissect: The current state of the team (leading into who would be the ideal addition) and the snap-judgement fit/ramifications of the pick itself in the immediate aftermath of it having been made.
Five minutes of the former and five minutes of the latter might not be enough time. OK, so how about six of each? It’s the best we can do.
Throw in your three minutes of commercials and you have 15 minutes of absolute sports heaven sandwiching each pick. Times 30.
Not eight (down from 10) like the NFL sped us through in its all-important Round 1.
What’s Must-See TV Without a Celebrity?
Sadly I must admit: Yes, you can have too much Stephen A. Smith. So let’s trump his and Draymond’s dueling haymakers with a “wow-inducing” local expert with something of substance to say about each pick.
I’m talking Barack Obama living and dying with his beloved Bulls. Kevin Hart, Peyton Manning, Patrick Mahomes, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Uma Thurman, Drake, Billy Crystal, Dianna Russini …
You’ve now elevated your telecast to Academy Awards level. And the great thing about these ultimate attention-grabbers – every team has at least one – is they would kill to have their basketball expertise heard. You know, like real fans.
Each joins the debate for his/her team via satellite, shoehorned into the six-minute lead-in and the six-minute critique. Tell me you wouldn’t tune in for that.
It sure beats watching them actually try to play in a celebrity game.
You Make The Call
Thirty teams with 15 minutes between picks. Give me a second … that’s 7 1/2 hours. Yikes.
How in the world can we get people to stick around for Oklahoma City’s pick well around the clock has struck midnight?
You gotta know I have an idea:
Make the thing interactive. As soon as the screen flashes, “The Pick Is In,” you have one minute to text your prediction to 3447274554268 (DGIsBrilliant).
Viewer with the most correct selections wins $1 million. You sleeping in the next day?
To quote Kirk Herbstreit (for the one and only time): “I love it.”
