Instagram/@daxshepard
Dax Shepard has given a good insight into his way of parenting, stating that the fathers will always determine the level of self-worth of their daughters and their future relationships. Actor and podcaster shared this thought during the conversation with Reese Witherspoon in the Armchair Expert podcast and highlighted the magnitude of father’s influence. His comments have led to a lot of discussions around the topic of who is responsible for what in parenting and also the transmission of certain behaviors from one generation to the next.
Advertisement
Talking to Witherspoon on the podcast, Shepard said he would give what many people call a “masterclass” in conscious parenting. “You’re a girl dad and I think this is a big deal; I’m going to tell you,” Shepard said seriously. “What you tell your daughters is absolutely vital. You are writing on their mind with a permanent marker. It is not a dry erase board.”
This metaphor was very effective for the crowd, indicating that fathers’ interactions with their daughters during the early years have a lasting impact on their psychological maturation. Later on, Shepard said that fathers are the ones who determine the qualities of a partner in terms of self-esteem, self-worth, and even the qualities a girl will be looking for in her future partners “What is the partner like they are looking for, what do they want in their 20s vs in their 30s, you get from your father for sure,” he noted.
One of the most intriguing aspects of the father’s parenting style, perhaps the most novel one of all, was disclosed. “My motto since becoming a father is, okay, they are going to date me,” he remarked. This attitude alters the way he connects with his kids Lincoln and Delta, the daughters he has with his spouse Kristen Bell, on a daily basis. “Therefore, if they want to talk to me, I need to drop everything else, and like, give them my attention, and listen to them, and treat them seriously and give them my time because I want the person with whom they are to give just as much time and attention and listen to all of their stories.”
The audience’s response to Shepard’s words ranged from powerful feelings to profound thoughts. One user apparently agreed with the main speaker and expressed, “And they see how you treat their mother,” implying that daughters are attentive to the interaction between their parents. Another user who had the same sentiment wrote, “And no amount of love and affection can make up for the mistreatment and dishonor of the mother. Kids literally were part of the mother and biology will overrule logic and everything else.”
There were some comments mentioning the sad truth for those who did not experience this type of fatherly backing. “I am 38 years old and the negative things my dad said to me when I was a little girl still pop up in my mind,” a woman admitted. “It took me years to get rid of the pain.” Another comment that spoke of the pain was “Unfortunately, my daughter has a father who chose a new wife over his first kids and that leaves scars that can never be healed.”
But, the debate was not one-sided and included among other things various optimistic views about breaking cyclical patterns. “I am glad to tell you that my husband is nothing like my father” the one commenter said and that speaks about being self-aware can enable one to make better relationship choices. Besides, another user revealed that “I only go for men who ignore me and I have come to dislike intimate relationships with men! If my dad had this insight…,” thus showing that fatherly traits can indirectly influence one’s adult attachment style.
The discussion did not center around only biological fathers, as a teacher mentioned, “Not all girls have dads. Not all dads have girls. All adults draw indelible marks with permanent markers on kids’ minds. I witness it every day as an educator. Regardless of who looks after a child most of the time… choose your words carefully.” This broad perspective is valuable in the sense that it acknowledges the possibility of the child receiving good influence from different caregivers.
Numerous comments regarding the theoretical concepts of parenting that were raised in the dialog were not solely academic, but rather practical examples from life. One father recounted how basketball legend James Worthy had given similar advice: “He said ‘remember, you are her first date. Treat her the way she should be treated.’ That’s what I try to do every days.” Another parent was also a great societal implications speaker: “This part of the episode is so essential for parents to listen to—mothers too! You have to consider every day the impact you are having on your children’s lives through the way you treat them.”
Advertisement
The positive effect of Shepard’s words was reflected in the comments throughout the discussion. “You made me cry 😢 thank you for your being,” one user said, while another wrote, “This is everything. Love, love, love this so much.” It was abundantly clear that his shocking ADHD diagnosis story and his bizarre and hilarious wedding anniversary message have also contributed to his public persona.
