If I Had Legs I’d Kick You Review (2025 BFI London Film Festival)

Rose Byrne is no stranger to the darkness. With the Insidious series under her belt and the often-overlooked Danny Boyle film Sunshine, Byrne was the perfect complement to Mary Bronstein’s evolution from mumblecore to something a touch more palpable – a horror-drama-comedy. 

Following the catastrophe-riddled life of mother and therapist Linda (Byrne), Bronstein’s sophomore feature, If I Had Legs I’d Kick Yo,u feels indicative of the current shift in filmmaking – blending the abstract with the relatable, making for a widely relatable, genre-blending and (mostly) accessible film. Linda finds herself straddling the implicit expectations of motherhood alongside the unbearable strain of her daughter’s illness (the specifics of which are cleverly withheld), tethered to her responsibilities only through the desperate clutching to alcoholism and a dabble in drugs. With an absent husband and an apathetic fellow therapist (played convincingly by Conan O’Brien), Byrne pushes Linda into existence through a full-body performance, one that earned her a Silver Bear at the Berlinale. 

With castmates like O’Brien, rapper A$AP Rocky and the new-cult star Ivy Wolk, purpose-built for cushioning comic relief, Byrne is set up to succeed in said darkness. Rocky’s performance as a motel worker and neighbour James placates us as we watch Linda spiral out of exhaustion, with O’Brien’s calculated silences as a reminder of Linda’s descent into abnormality. 

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Thanks to a painfully constant bassline in the film’s score, it’s hard to escape from the anxieties anchoring Linda’s existence: fixing that comically large hole in her apartment’s ceiling, getting her daughter to hit an unfathomable weight goal for further treatment, and a general disaffection with motherhood. Linda’s shaken – and Bronstein does well to remind us of it. Tight close-ups on her two-in, one-out, trauma-guided breathing, supernatural-esque visions in the pitch black of darkness, the auditory dulling as she drowns her sorrow. We know how Linda feels, even if we’re not always sure why. 

It’s this over-enthusiastic lean into too much vagueness that holds back the film’s final act after an exceptionally uncomfortable scene with Linda’s daughter that turns Bronstein’s If I Had Legs I’d Kick You into more of a challenge than a pleasure. Of course, as we’ve seen the attempt of last year’s Nightbitch or the success of this year’s Sorry Baby, there’s no longer a need to mollycoddle audiences into comprehending the complexities of feminine insecurity. Bronstein doesn’t need to show you Linda’s daughter or reveal the true nature of that big black hole in the ceiling. She just needs to show you how it makes Linda feel. And in terms of feelings, Bronstein has crafted a quite emotional experience. 

It’s hard to say If I Had Legs I’d Kick You was an enjoyable watch, and as a critic often led by the emotional reception of a film, a four-star rating may seem incongruous with that usual approach. Alas, Bronstein’s risk-taking has permeated my consciousness, and although it may indeed cause a wave of anxiety not easily shaken, audiences will be thinking about Linda unwillingly, and thus, thinking about the showmanship and commitment of Byrne as the journey to awards season begins.

★★★★

Screening as part of the 2025 BFI London Film Festival on October 13th and 14th / In UK cinemas February 20th, 2026 / Rose Byrne, A$AP Rocky, Conan O’Brien, Ivy Wolk / Dir: Mary Bronstein / A24, Picturehouse Entertainment / 15