Influencers Matt and Abby Howard got candid about experiencing “gender disappointment” with their rainbow baby.
Abby and Matt, both 27, opened up about finding out they’re expecting their third baby boy during the Wednesday, April 22, episode of their “Unplanned Podcast” after experiencing a pregnancy loss with their daughter.
“I would say for me, I did feel gender disappointment,” Abby shared. “For about 30 seconds. Maybe less.”
“I’ve always said, ‘I feel like we’re gonna have boys.’ And then sure enough, we had one boy, we had our second boy, and then losing our daughter definitely opened up a desire for something [different],” she continued, referring to her sons Griffin, 3, and August, 2. She explained that she would “love” to have a daughter but “never felt an obvious preference.”
Matt then asked whether she felt “guilt” about being disappointed with the news, to which Abby said, “No.”
“I always pictured having all boys, and then we lost [Emerson] and that kind of opened a preference in my heart that I’ve never had before,” Abby said. “Getting pregnant again, I was nervously hoping, ‘I hope we have a daughter.’”
Through tears, she continued, “I didn’t have a girl-sized hole in my heart, I had an Emerson-sized hole in my heart. Having another baby girl wasn’t going to fix that. I think this was sweet grace, in a way. It’s very obvious now that this baby is not going to fill that gap.”
“I could totally see this boy joining our squad and it being a whole lot of rowdy fun in the house,” Abby quipped.
Abby also asked Matt whether he felt any disappointment with their sex reveal. “Oh gosh. I guess, to be completely honest, yeah,” he replied. “We lost our daughter. I really did want a daughter.”
He went on to say that he initially felt let down with the news because he wants his wife to experience being a girl mom. “More than anything, I want that for you. I want you to have a mini version of you,” he told Abby, envisioning her getting her nails done with a little girl. “I see the sweet bond that you and your mom have.”
Matt added that now he’s excited to welcome a third boy into their family. “I’m so excited to have three boys. I am one of three boys. We talked about how fun it is to have your boys.”
Matt and Abby’s discussion comes after she announced via social media in September that she suffered a pregnancy loss due to an unexpected complication.
“At a routine pregnancy appointment, our doctor could not find a heartbeat,” they wrote in a joint social media post. “Shortly after they sent us in for an ultrasound where the technician said words we will never forget, ‘I am so sorry I do not have good news.’”
The parents continued, “The grief is absolutely devastating, but we feel so much gratitude for the time that we did get to have with her. And we still have hope. Hope has continued to show up for us in so many ways. For now we will grieve and continue to think of ways to honor her life offline.”
