Want to Be a Better Leader? It All Starts With Mindfulness.

When I was growing up, from about nine years old til my first big-girl job at 22, I saw all types of leadership. Whether it was teachers, pastors, principals or mentors, I observed the ways I was being taught what a leader should be. And as you can imagine, each example was dramatically different! Confusing, even.

I saw brute strength, strict demeanor, dismissiveness and — my personal favorite — emotional manipulation. Often, I felt scared or intimidated by leadership. Seeing a leader walk into the room was like Pavlov’s dog, but instead of salivating over a treat, I stood up taller, put my head down or got quiet. Not all the leadership I experienced was so bad. I just didn’t recognize it as leadership.

I recall moments when a teacher would calmly walk into a room and quiet us down. And a time when I was struggling in my youth group, and the first person I thought to go to was the young youth pastor who spoke lightly yet sternly. Or one time, I had a manager who bent the rules for me when I had a scheduling conflict. After many years of managing my own team, one thing has remained at the forefront of how I choose to lead: Be calm, be good, and be a smart decision maker.

Being a leader is not easy. Most days, I don’t want to make any decisions or use my indoor voice. And there are countless leadership development programs out there aiming to teach people how to be better leaders — which is great. I fully acknowledge that if you aren’t guided properly, you may end up being someone’s nightmare leader (not the way you’d want someone to dream about you!).

But I believe leadership is something we all have inside of us if we look closely. Because, as I’ve stated above regarding leadership I experienced in my life, we have all felt intimidated, berated or ashamed by someone in a leadership position. We know all too well what that feels like to be on the receiving end of poor leadership.

So when you are in a leadership role, self-reflection should be such an important part of your day. How did you make that person feel? Why did you yell or raise your voice? How could you have handled that situation in a better way? If you aren’t asking yourself these types of questions, there’s a chance you’re missing a key differentiating factor between leadership and being unfit for the role.

Be calm. Be clear. Be direct

Strong leaders have this trait. Calmness. They aren’t raging about life or panicking at the slightest mistake. And when the world feels like it’s crumbling — a missed deadline or disgruntled client — a strong leader moves with ease. How do you move with ease if there’s unrest in your organization? Pause. Breathe. Ground. It’s really that simple.

According to Ashley Nelson, founder of Inseus, a transformative mindful leadership program — a few practical, mindful techniques — can play a huge part in becoming a stronger, calmer leader. “Mindfulness requires a bit of self-awareness. Your mindset shift begins and ends with mindfulness,” Nelson says. And truthfully, many entrepreneurs focus so much on the bottom line that they sometimes neglect simple, practical, mindful behaviors and operate without mindfulness.

We become reactive rather than responsive. We become scattered in our thoughts and words rather than clear and direct. Nelson teaches that the leader’s nervous system becomes the team’s nervous system. Mindfulness can create a space between stimulus and response, and in that space, leaders can access calm, clarity and intention about what comes next.

Our businesses are our babies — our products, services, and ultimately, our reputation. Mindfulness allows us to recognize how we feel about what we’ve built and how to better handle tough or uncomfortable situations. When you master the art of pausing, your perspective might change. That change will help you lead more wisely.

Be good to those around you

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is something I recently wrote about in my last Entrepreneur article, and it is near and dear to my heart. Treating others with kindness isn’t just about holding doors open or paying it forward in the coffee line (no one’s ever done that for me before, but it sounds nice). Being kind to your team and colleagues could mean just listening. Not judging or passively nodding, but really listening. Ask how someone’s day is going. If you sense that they’re stressed, offer to take something off their plate.

For many entrepreneurs, especially those of us who manage teams, striking a balance between being kind and stern can be quite challenging. On one hand, if you go too kind, that can be mistaken for weakness, and if you’re too stern, you run the risk of being labeled a jerk. So if we recall the way we’d want to be treated — and sometimes we need a little tough love if we’re true with ourselves — and we lead with that as our motivator, chances are you want to be good. Somewhere deep down. In my case, I witnessed a moment when a leader seemed mean or downright cruel.

Back in my twenties, I had a manager who was a grump — that’s the only way to describe her. She made you feel stupid when you asked questions, and she was always short-tempered. One day, I walked to the back office, and she scolded me for walking in while she was working. I paused. Yes, I was frustrated, but I was curious. Why? Why was she upset? So I asked her.

To my surprise, she broke down in tears. As she vented her frustration, she said something revealing that I’ll never forget. Through tears, she said, “Nobody ever asks me how I’m doing, and they just think I’m [unkind].” She was reactive to how people perceived her and, therefore, led from a place of anger and hurt. My relationship with her changed after that, and, you guessed it, her relationship with the rest of the team was softened. I learned so much about leadership because of that experience.

Be a smart decision maker for your team

No, this doesn’t mean that leaders are supposed to have all the right answers. In fact, many leaders are figuring it out as we go! The key to smart decision-making comes down to having a well-rounded mindset blended with empathy (thinking deeply about others), understanding (seeing the different sides of a situation) and trust (trusting the process, that is).

Tough decisions will come across your desk or screen at any moment. How will you handle it? Let’s say a team member hasn’t shown up for work when a deadline is in 2 hours. Empathy asks, “Are they okay?” Understanding says, “They must’ve been in a rough situation.” Trust says, “We can use our resources to get this done.” You’d have to act with many thoughts swarming your mind. You’d have to decide how to handle the situation in a way that solves the problem.

The next decision might be a conversation with said employee after that! But in the moment when you need to act quickly — or take that pause — a strong leader is able to make decisions that benefit not only themselves but the overall team. That may include a decision about a fellow team member or stepping in when a client needs additional support. The decision feels well thought out, even if you had to make it under urgent circumstances. That’s the type of leadership team members look to in times of crisis or uncertainty.

I don’t have all the answers. I only have my experience and observations. But over the years, I’ve noticed a commonality with fellow business owners and entrepreneurs: Leadership is not easy. And it takes work — lots of work — to be effective and empathic at the same time. It also takes moments of self-reflection and looking in the mirror. There have been times when I saw a reflection of myself that I didn’t enjoy or recognize. The things I didn’t like, I changed.

My hope is that we all continue to evolve and learn as we go. For now, as you skim your daily dose of articles, I hope this has been helpful. Even if it only causes you to pause. Breathe. And lead along.

When I was growing up, from about nine years old til my first big-girl job at 22, I saw all types of leadership. Whether it was teachers, pastors, principals or mentors, I observed the ways I was being taught what a leader should be. And as you can imagine, each example was dramatically different! Confusing, even.

I saw brute strength, strict demeanor, dismissiveness and — my personal favorite — emotional manipulation. Often, I felt scared or intimidated by leadership. Seeing a leader walk into the room was like Pavlov’s dog, but instead of salivating over a treat, I stood up taller, put my head down or got quiet. Not all the leadership I experienced was so bad. I just didn’t recognize it as leadership.

I recall moments when a teacher would calmly walk into a room and quiet us down. And a time when I was struggling in my youth group, and the first person I thought to go to was the young youth pastor who spoke lightly yet sternly. Or one time, I had a manager who bent the rules for me when I had a scheduling conflict. After many years of managing my own team, one thing has remained at the forefront of how I choose to lead: Be calm, be good, and be a smart decision maker.

Being a leader is not easy. Most days, I don’t want to make any decisions or use my indoor voice. And there are countless leadership development programs out there aiming to teach people how to be better leaders — which is great. I fully acknowledge that if you aren’t guided properly, you may end up being someone’s nightmare leader (not the way you’d want someone to dream about you!).

But I believe leadership is something we all have inside of us if we look closely. Because, as I’ve stated above regarding leadership I experienced in my life, we have all felt intimidated, berated or ashamed by someone in a leadership position. We know all too well what that feels like to be on the receiving end of poor leadership.

So when you are in a leadership role, self-reflection should be such an important part of your day. How did you make that person feel? Why did you yell or raise your voice? How could you have handled that situation in a better way? If you aren’t asking yourself these types of questions, there’s a chance you’re missing a key differentiating factor between leadership and being unfit for the role.

Be calm. Be clear. Be direct

Strong leaders have this trait. Calmness. They aren’t raging about life or panicking at the slightest mistake. And when the world feels like it’s crumbling — a missed deadline or disgruntled client — a strong leader moves with ease. How do you move with ease if there’s unrest in your organization? Pause. Breathe. Ground. It’s really that simple.

According to Ashley Nelson, founder of Inseus, a transformative mindful leadership program — a few practical, mindful techniques — can play a huge part in becoming a stronger, calmer leader. “Mindfulness requires a bit of self-awareness. Your mindset shift begins and ends with mindfulness,” Nelson says. And truthfully, many entrepreneurs focus so much on the bottom line that they sometimes neglect simple, practical, mindful behaviors and operate without mindfulness.