All stories in El Jalapeño are satire and not real news.
MEXICO CITY — President Claudia Sheinbaum announced Tuesday that her June birthday celebration will feature a bikini mud wrestling competition in the Zócalo, stating that Mexico’s foreign policy team had determined the event “meets current standards for official state functions.”
The announcement followed careful study of a White House UFC event last week in which professional fighters competed in a purpose-built octagon erected on the South Lawn while the President watched from a raised platform alongside senior cabinet officials and Dana White. The event was streamed live and described by the Office of the Press Secretary as “a showcase of American strength and competitive spirit.”
“We studied the footage carefully,” said a Mexican government official who asked not to be named. “This is now apparently what governments do.”
Sheinbaum’s office declined to characterize Mexico’s mud wrestling announcement as imitative, calling it instead “a natural progression from combat sports to a format more accessible to the general public.”
“The White House established that the lawn is a venue,” said a senior official who asked not to be named. “We have a much bigger venue.”
The Zócalo competition will follow a single-elimination bracket format. Cabinet attendance is described as encouraged. A separate list of those who decline will be maintained by the Secretaría de Gobernación for administrative purposes.
The event is expected to draw significant international media. Construction on the main stage begins next week, requiring the demolition of the eastern wing of the National Palace — a 400-year-old structure that has hosted world leaders, Olympic athletes, and three separate papal visits.
Officials confirmed the wing contains the permanent Diego Rivera murals depicting the entire history of Mexican civilization, and said relocation options were being explored.
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